Mike Marino, PhD 

14 Common Traits of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic

     1. They become isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.

2. They become approval seekers and lose their identity in the process.

3. They are frightened of angry people and any personal criticism.

4. They become alcoholics, marry them or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill their abandonment needs.

5. They often live life from the viewpoint of victims and are attracted by that weakness in their love and friendship relationships.

6. They have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for them to be concerned with others rather than themselves.  This keeps them from looking too closely at their own faults.  They cannot accept or tolerate any badness in themselves.

7.  They get guilt feelings when they stand up for themselves instead of giving in to others.

8.  They become addicted to excitement.

9.  They confuse love and pity and tend to "love" people who they can "pity" and "rescue."

10. They have "stuffed" their feelings from their traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express their feelings because it hurts so much.

11. They judge themselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.

12. They are dependent personalities who are internally terrified of abandonment. They sometimes hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings.

13. Alcoholism runs in families and often the adult child becomes a para-alcoholic, taking on the characteristics of that addiction, even though they may not pick up the drink.

14. They embrace a life-stance of reaction, as opposed to action.  They live their life in response to the needs of others.