Forgiving the Unforgivable

One of the most difficult things I deal with in my counseling practice is helping people move past what I call justifiable hurts. Things that have happened to them or been done to them that any reasonable person would look at and say – that was wrong. Unfortunately, in this broken world people sometimes inflict terrible pain and injustice on others. So, what do you do with that? How can you forgive the seemingly unforgivable, often unspeakable actions of people who’ve hurt you?

The dilemma is, if you don’t forgive, those people who hurt you continue to have more power in your life than they deserve. Holding on to the understandable resentment hurts you more than them; it’s like drinking rat poison, then waiting for the rat to die.

Many misunderstand what forgiveness is. Forgiveness is not acting as if the past didn’t happen. Forgiveness is not accepting a powerless role. Forgiving those who hurt you does not mean you’re letting them off the hook for what they did; it’s taking them off of your hook and placing them on God’s hook. In truth, forgiveness is the key to stopping people who’ve hurt you from having ongoing control in your life.

In an intentional and determined manner, you have to release justice to God. Keeping yourself on the throne as the final court of justice for those who’ve hurt you will keep you stuck. If you want to be free you’ll need to leave the sentencing to the ultimate judge and rest in knowing that your mission is to move forward to a better future, not rest in your painful past.

When you begin to release justice to God, you remove a malignant tumor from your inner life. You are simply shifting the burden of responsibility to right a wrong from your insufficient emotional framework, to one that is mighty, more than sufficient, and wise. As you begin to live life less in reaction to past hurts, and more in response to God’s promises, the prisoner who is set free – is you.

© Mike Marino, PhD