Can People Really Change?

Necessary beginning…

Acknowledge the need for change. Earnestly desire it – for yourself, not because it is forced upon you.

Step 1 of 12 Steps - I admit that I am powerless over my problem and that my life has become unmanageable. You need help, if you could do it all by yourself, you would have already done it.

Path to lasting change…

C – Consistent. Establish a sustainable structure for change. Healthy, happy people have consistent habits, boundaries and core beliefs. Work towards being consistent in your actions, your public/private self, and your beliefs. Seek clarity about what you believe; it opens the door for less confusion. James 1:5-8 - If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do. Don’t make your plan and ask God to bless it, start by asking for wisdom. Prov. 3:5-6 - Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.

H – Healthy Choices. – Every day, do something to feed your Body, Mind, and Spirit. This will help you think more accurately about finding a path to peace of mind, a clear conscience, loving, and being loved.

A – Aware. Be mindful of how you occur to others. Consider how your words and actions affect others. Luke 6:31 - Do to others as you would like them to do to you. Prov. 3:4 - Never let loyalty and kindness leave you! Tie them around your neck as a reminder. Write them deep within your heart. Then you will find favor with both God and people, and you will earn a good reputation. What do your spouse, kids, and community say about you when you’re not there? What kind of legacy are you leaving?

N – Now-Focus. You path to change will be hindered if you remain shackled by past failures or paralyzed by what might happen. You’re a product of your past, not a prisoner of your past. If you have a shady, defective, painful past – you’re part of a big club. Even the author of most of the New Testament had to fight to put his past in the rear-view mirror – Phil 3:13-14 - No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. What is your calling? Do you believe you have a purpose, a mission in life? Considering that will open the door for positive change.

G – Gratitude – No lasting forward movement will be sustained if you don’t stop to mark your progress. In the midst of your pain, finding some good will help you re-frame your thoughts to a more accurate reality – your life is not all bad, just a mix of good and bad – and the bad does not negate the good. Even you’re honestly embracing that you are not what you could or should be, you can thank God that you’re not what you used to be.

E – Engaged. You’ll find a quicker path to lasting change if you get out of yourself and into someone else. If serving others isn’t part of your life, changing that will change you! 1 Cor. 13:4-7 - Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Genuine, lasting change comes from the inside out, not the outside in. You can’t change anyone else – only yourself. If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten. Take a cue from the apostle Paul in Romans 12:2 - Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

When it comes to change, ask yourself this…

Do you need it? Do you want it?

If you do, it’s possible … I promise.

© Mike Marino, PhD