Mike Marino, PhD

What Wives Really Need from Their Husbands

To be able to look up to him and respect him as her man.  Be someone she can be proud of.  Manage your actions and your tongue accordingly.

• To feel loved and appreciated.  That’s always a by-product of your actions and words.  “When you do that it makes me feel this way.”  Let her know when she pleases you. 

• To feel accepted for who she is deep down inside.  Know her.  Many wives say, “He doesn’t even know me.”  To know her, first you have to be interested in her.  Be interested, she matters.  In 1 Peter 3:7 it says, “Be good husbands to your wives.  Honor them, delight in them.  As women they lack some of your advantages.  But in the new life of God’s grace, you’re equals.  Treat your wives, then, as equals so your prayers don’t run aground.”

• To feel supported.  Ideally, she’d be confident in believing, “He’s on my side, or at least tries to understand my side.”

• To feel like she’s beautiful in his eyes.  Notice her, every day!

• To feel safe knowing that her man is guiding them both to a better future.  Never make plans without considering their impact on her.

• To grow together as a couple, rather than one person improving and getting better while the other one stays the same.  Marriage is a team sport.  Matt. 19:4-6 says, “Haven’t you read in your Bible that the Creator originally made man and woman for each other, male and female?  And because of this, a man leaves father and mother and is firmly bonded to his wife, becoming one flesh—no longer two bodies but one.”

•  To be able to trust him.  Consistency!  Be the same man at home, at work and at play.

• To be able to relax into her feminine self knowing that he’s the man.  Do the little things, that sends a big message.  Don’t wait to be told.  If it’s important to her, make it important to you.

•  To have open communication without needing to hide things from each other.  Speak to her as an adult, always kind, concise and clear.  Give weight to what she says, even if you don’t agree with it.  She must feel heard and valued.

•  To be able to laugh and have fun together.  Prov. 17:22 says, “A cheerful disposition is good for your health, gloom and doom leave you bone-tired.”

•  To be made to feel special once in a while.  Life is short.  Don’t plan so much for tomorrow that you miss today.  It takes little effort to make someone feel special.  Consistently affirm her as your choice.

Above all, she wants to feel safe.  Safe in your commitment to love her and safe in your character as a man.  A woman who feels safe, is a woman free to love well.