Mike Marino, PhD

 

Getting Past Your Past  

While we’re all products of our past, we don’t have to be prisoners of it.  People can change.  The Apostle Paul recognized the power of the past in his letter to the Philippians, 3:13 – “No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it,but I focus on this one thing: forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead…”  The path to getting past your past, and not allowing it to control your present and future, involves some basic action steps…

P – Put it away.  That’s easier said than done.  But, a continuing focus on things that have happened, that not even God can change, places you in a helpless, hopeless position.  Much like an addiction, the 1^st step is to remove and replace.  When feelings of inferiority or negative automatic thoughts are triggered, recognize them as having their root in what was, not necessarily what is.  Replace them with what is.  What is, is that those voices no longer deserve a place of honor in your thoughts, actions and emotions.

A – Act differently.  Your actions and attitudes are the only things in the universe you have any capacity to control.  When your words, intentions and stated beliefs don’t match your actions, that confliction is confusing, exhausting, and spawns doubt within you and in all your relationships. 

• Identify things you do that are not helping you and those which are helping you.  Intentionally focus on what helps and embrace your God-given control over what doesn’t.  Statements like, “I can’t control my temper” or “that’s just the way I am” are simply not true.  You are not destined to an eternity of slavery to what was.  You can change; you’re not too old or set in your ways. 

•  Often, harmful actions are rooted in overpowering feelings and inaccurate thoughts.  Thoughts like, “I’m not enough,” or “this will never change.” Understandable thoughts, but not necessarily true.  Avoid extremes like, “never,” or “always.”  Don’t let your thoughts and feelings drive your actions.  Let your actions drive, they’ll change your thoughts and feelings.

S – Surrender.  You will not navigate life well if you seek to control things, through the filter of “what should be” or “the way I want it.”  At best, this world is a mix of good and bad, and always trying to control your external circumstances will eventually leave you bitter about the unfairness of it all.  Resign from “The World Police.” Thinking you have to right every wrong or injustice, you can’t.

What is surrender? 

•  To embrace what is true.

•  To release what is false.

• To acknowledge your limits. (you are not all powerful)

•  To stop fortune telling. (you cannot see the future, stop trying)

What surrender is not… 

•  Acting as if the past didn’t happen.

•  Accepting a powerless role.

• Absolving others and ourselves of appropriate responsibility.  Release justice to God.

T – Tell your story.  In the Christian faith we believe that we have an enemy that exists to steal, kill and destroy all the good in our lives, big and small.  If you don’t believe there’s evil in the world, I would suggest that you’re not paying attention.  The last book of the Bible details the final battle against the evil.  It says, “And they have defeated him (evil incarnate) by the blood of the Lamb and by their testimony.”  Rev 12:11.  In the New Testament book of John, chapter 9, there’s a great story about how powerful the testimony of a changed life can be.  A young man, blind from birth, was healed by Jesus.  When confronted by the religious leaders about whether Jesus was a good man or a sinner, he simply replied, “I don’t know whether he is a sinner, but I know this: I was blind, and now I can see!”  He didn’t embellish, over-explain or focus on his long history of being blind from birth. Nothing is more powerful than the true story of a changed life.  You have the power to craft a story worth telling.  It will be part of your healing journey to freedom from what was and to a better what is.